


insomnolence

by ApatheticRobots



Series: treating tfp starscream right since the show won't do it [4]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Backstory, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApatheticRobots/pseuds/ApatheticRobots
Summary: A late-night conversation and a moment of solidarity.
Relationships: Breakdown & Starscream
Series: treating tfp starscream right since the show won't do it [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919443
Comments: 11
Kudos: 85





	insomnolence

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd drabble thats been in my wips for a couple weeks. not much else to say.

The halls of the  _ Nemesis _ were dark.

It was late enough in the artificial evening the schedule had deemed it that even Soundwave had gone to recharge. For the hour or so that Starscream had been wandering the halls, he'd only passed two other mechs, a couple of Vehicons switching shifts. None of them had said a word to each other; just given nods of acknowledgement before going on their respective ways. Starscream already knew where they were going, and they weren't going to risk drawing his ire by asking what  _ he _ was still doing up. 

The bridge was dark too, the glass tinted on top of the sky outside being black as pitch. Dark enough that Starscream probably wouldn't have noticed the other mech awake if not for the glowing yellow optic that flicked over to look at him as he stepped in the room.

"Hello, Commander," Breakdown said quietly from his spot in front of the window. 

"Yes, hello to you too." His tone was cautious. Was Knock Out here too? The big brute was almost always at his companion's side whenever they were on the ship together. "Why are you here?"

The other mech frowned. "Could ask you the same question, sir."

Starscream rolled his optics. "It's not an accusation. Just simple curiosity. Indulge your Commander, won't you?"

There was a sigh, and Breakdown turned away, single optic illuminating the glass in front of him. "Just… thinkin', I guess. Couldn't recharge, and I didn't wanna wake Knock Out with all my fidgeting. Though I'd sit out here for a while and chill."

"I see."

"How about you?"

"I said it wasn't--"

"And neither is this," Breakdown interrupted. "I'm also just a little curious."

Drawing his wings close and crossing his arms over his chest, he shifted his posture into something defensive. Of all the mechs on the ship, Starscream definitely mistrusted Breakdown the least. Not only did the bruiser owe him for the rescue a couple days ago, Breakdown was far too loyal of a soldier to attack his commanding officer. Unless Knock Out asked him to. But Starscream hadn't done anything to piss the medic off recent enough for him to be concerned about that. So, his processor reluctantly concluded, it was probably okay for him to be at least slightly honest with Breakdown about why he was awake.

"A similar situation to your own, I suppose," he said with a sigh, going over and gracefully dropping to sit next to Breakdown. "Recharge simply eluded me." There. Specific enough to not feel like a cop-out, but vague enough that there was nothing Breakdown could possibly hold against him. Not without seeming like a hypocrite, at least.

Breakdown made a noise of acknowledgement, then continued starting out the window. It was tinted a little too much to see anything but the brightest of stars. Starscream briefly considered getting rid of the shade so they could actually see the whole of the sky, then decided it was more effort than the end result was worth.

"Starscream?" A few minutes passed before he spoke up again, and when he did so his voice was a mere whisper. "Do you ever regret joining up with the Decepticons?"

"What??"

"Not in an  _ I'd rather be an Autobot _ way," he quickly amended. "Just… Do you ever feel like this place isn't… good for you?"

There was a tight feeling in Starscream's chassis. Part of him wanted to deny it vehemently, call Breakdown traitor, leave the conversation immediately. But the part of him that was tired, the part of him that liked Breakdown a little more than the rest, the part of him that still ached with long-repaired scars from punishing servos, wanted to tell Breakdown he knew exactly what the other mech was talking about. Rather than picking a side and making a statement, though, his vocalizer instead abruptly died.

Apparently his silence was enough of an answer, because Breakdown frowned, lip jutting out just slightly. "Yeah, I mean-- I see the way you flinch when the big guy yells. Sorry. I just…" He sighed again. "I don't regret the cons. The guys in charge of Cybertron weren't great. Doesn't really feel like we're fighting oppression anymore, though."

Starscream shifted ever-so-slightly closer. Just enough for the residual heating from Breakdown's frame to warm his. "Things have changed," he said.

"Yeah. Haven't changed for the better."

"Perhaps not. But… they were never going to." Starscream looked up and out the window, feeling that pressing urge to fly he got whenever he stared into the open sky. "Megatron would never have been satisfied with just equality. As much as he disillusioned himself with believing that's what his revolution was all about, he always wanted power. It's just who he is."

"A megalomaniac?"

"A control freak."

Breakdown snorted a laugh. "I'd believe it, but don't let him hear you say that."

"It’s not as though he needs a reason to scrap me."

Where he was expecting another dry laugh there came only silence as a response. He looked over, meeting Breakdown's concerned optic. It was almost a little uncomfortable. Sort of felt like he was being scrutinized.

"What? Do you have something to say?"

The bruiser shook his head. "Why do you stay?"

"With the Decepticons? I--"

"With  _ him. _ We're not the only functioning 'con circuit in the whole universe. I can tell just by looking at you that you're space-travel capable. So why the slag do you stick around and let him hurt you?"

Starscream scoffed. Breakdown spoke so easily-- he'd clearly never experienced anything like what Starscream was going through. "Don't presume to know anything about me. What authority could you possibly have about what it's like to be in my pedes?"

There were several moments of silence, to the point where it seemed like the conversation was done, then Breakdown spoke; "Motormaster."

"...What?"

"I do know what it's like."

Starscream recognized the designation, of course. He was of too high standing within the Decepticons to not have been privy to that little experiment. He'd never looked into it much beyond the surface reports-- the idea of combining forms and minds with anyone made him feel physically ill-- and he'd never bothered to learn about the rest of the big lug's little troupe. Breakdown didn't  _ look _ like the specs for the stunticons would've implied, but then again, he had a mech obsessed with physical appearances for a partner. Who knew how many modifications had been done since he shacked up with Knock Out?

He'd never looked into Motormaster too much. Yet somehow, it came as no surprise to learn what he was like. Knowing who his role model was.

"...I see."

Breakdown nodded. "There’s some things different about our, uh, situations, of course. But they're similar enough. I know what it's like." He looked back out towards the stars again. "I guess a big difference is that I had people and you don't."

Starscream sputtered. "What do you mean? I have people! I have armies at my disposal, armadas who fly at my command!"

"Yeah, but do you have any friends?"

His vocalizer died.

"I thought so."

"You're making a bold accusation," Starscream said haltingly. "Or a serious insult."

"Just stating a fact." He at least didn't  _ sound _ accusatory or berating. If anything, Starscream would've said he sounded deeply tired. Weary with everything life had thrown at him. "I had other folks who’d been through the same thing backing me up. I had Knock Out. You've been alone for millennia."

A jolt of anger mixed with fear. "You--"

"Read your file. Yeah. I know about 'em." There was the scrape of metal as Breakdown shifted closer, close enough that his plating brushed against Starscream’s. Then broad digits rested on his back in the space between his wings. "I'm sorry." 

Starscream… broke. It sounds more dramatic than it looked. He wasn’t sure exactly what caused it; a lack of recharge, a few too many bad days in a row, the gentle contact so unlike anything he’d felt recently. Whatever the reasoning, it only took a few seconds of Breakdown rubbing circles on his back for him to shudder and clap a servo over his mouth to keep a choked sob from escaping.

The servo moved from his back, and he was about to make an unbidden noise of protest, but just as quickly he was grabbed around the middle and physically lifted into Breakdown’s lap.

This was demeaning. But Breakdown knew how to hold him so his wings weren’t pinned, and it was really nice using the big mech’s chest as a pillow, and this was the nicest physical contact he’d gotten in  _ millennia  _ (probably since his trine), and there was no one else around that he needed to keep up appearances with. In a rare moment of weakness that he’d later make sure was never spoken of again, he let himself relax in the hold and closed his optics. 

**Author's Note:**

> the whole "breakdown was a stunticon" thing was inspired both by his canon in G1 and by "Lights Out" by GhostHost, which is a staple if you like kobd. please read it.


End file.
